Dr. Brevik's Lingley Survival Guide, Can You Dig It?

[Subtitle: May I please virtually slap the next person who uses the phrase "[the] new normal"?]

All rights reserved. TM (VIACOM-CBS)

It seems every generation has it's wise, charming, profound quotes. These sayings or phrases are sensical* and relatable, at least to the people of that generation, and in the majority of cases, memorable to the ones that follow.

Did the general populace consistently use, or even understand a lot of these endearing statements? Probably not. But there were fewer people in the world in the old days, so overall references were in fact more ubiquitous and understandable. And importantly, they were not all intended to be used or bastardized to usurp new meanings.

My dear Great-Grandma, referring to stormy days would say, "If there's a patch of blue in the sky big enough to mend a rip in a Dutchman's pants, it will clear." Although that might not always have been accurate, it was tangible, calming, and even a bit poetic. And in my young memory, it sure did seem to work.

Nana's philosophy when considering potentially worrisome situations was, "Don't trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you." I can still hear her speaking those words of wisdom when I begin to worry about things that are out of my control, or that have yet to materialize.

One of my highly-educated-surgical-nurse mom's favorite exclamations, was, "Lord love a duck!"

I never did get that one, but her friends said the same thing, and I've heard it while watching old movies on TCM** more times than I can count.

I am not going to go into any reported colloquialisms I personally use, mainly because I don't consciously recognize them in my own speech patterns. I do seem to inadvertently make people chuckle frequently though, because it's second nature to me to use favorite phrases I've absorbed through the generations.

Clearly it's not just my family that holds such colloquialisms and philosophical statements close to our hearts. Through the ages, wise philosophers and poetic laymen have dispensed the same kinds of wisdom in various forms. Posters, bumper stickers, memes, and banners continue to abound with poignant, thoughtful statements citing countless historical figures.

This pattern continues to morph. I am working diligently on expanding my repertoire of more current generational "lingley."*** The first time I saw "lol" on a text, I thought it stood for "lots of love," for example. But considering where it came from, that sort of creeped**** me out. Only later did I learn that it meant "laughing out loud!"

OMG, imagine my surprise!

SMHID*****

Many shared circumstances likewise have their own set of acronyms, brief phrases or descriptors, that are widely understood, and at least somewhat universally applied.

Take the acronym SNAFU from World War II. I've heard people say "snafu" with seemingly increasing frequency over the years; referring to a hiccup in the system, a small error, a mistake, perhaps simply a miscommunication. The fact is, "snafu" during a particular period of time in World War II, was actually secret military speak for "Situation Normal, All F***** Up." So in the literal, acrimonial****** sense, this is probably not an acronym that should be tossed about casually these days, though it is indeed.

But I'm with it. I'm hip. I can dig it.

Except.

What I can't seem to tolerate is the oxymoronic phrase "the new normal." In fact, it hurts to even discuss it.

Let's break this down.

In terms of my argument (quite literally,) the proof is in the pudding, if you will.

Definitionally, according to Webster's (and Google), "new" means "not existing before; made, introduced, or discovered recently or now for the first time" (adj).

Normal is defined as "conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected." (adj)

or in this case,

"the usual, average, or typical state or condition." (noun)

You can't put those words together. Not in any rational sense. Or even in a creatively artistic sense.

This new term that I have grown to be completely intolerant of, "the new normal," aside from being completely wrong definitionally, theoretically, economically, and rhetorically, has been applied to our world with a very wide paint brush, thick with paint and devoid of detail. It implies that things have changed in a manner that has some semblance of stability, and to which everything is easily adaptable. Or even sane.

There is no normal now.

Instead, there are new, terrifying, uncertain, unconscionable circumstances. Everything changes and shifts with the wind, figuratively and literally. Pandemics, rapacious capitalism, apoplectic violence, complete instability and debilitating fear are neither normalizable******* nor comprehensible.

There is no new normal.

Is what we are dealing with "new"? In absolute terms as opposed to relative ones, obviously.

Is it "normal"? Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Is anything normal anymore?

One would be hard pressed to convince me so. Everything is unusual, anything but average, atypical, overwhelming, unprecedented, devastating, unpredictable, and inconceivable. So how on Earth can you put those two words together to describe what the world is going through right now?

You can't.

So, yes. My knickers are in a twist. And this is a battle I'm choosing to fight.

Hence, be warned.

Using the phrase "the new normal" in my presence will elicit a litany of backlash.

Do I have a better phrase?

Oh, I have a lot of them. In fact, if anyone is going to insist on applying the word normal to our world, perhaps the acronym "snafu" could finally be aptly reconstituted. Maybe even the partner code-acronym from World War II, FUBAR, which was actually secret code speak for "F***** Up Beyond All Recognition could see a resurgence! After all, we are waging a war; a war against the pandemic, against knuckleheads, against economic disaster, against incompetence, against those so willing to throw humanity away without so much as a true consideration for consistent, empathetic, appropriate interventions.

I'd be happy to share more.

But none of my alternatives are, nor will they ever be, "the new normal."

And I hope to never have to speak, let alone write those words again.

GLOSSARY OF TERMS:

*Sensical: "Sensible." This might not be a real word, and I could've used "sensible," but sensical should totally be a word. Nonsensical is, so come on, am I right?

**TCM=Turner Classic Movies

***"Lingley," or as I have come to understand, a shorthand style of communication... tell my younger students that it is not a word please.

****(See glossary entry pertaining to "lingley") Creeped should absolutely be a word. Ex. "Seeing new normal for the first time creeped me out and raised my ire." See? See?

*****SMHID=Scratching my head in disbelief. I mean, if ROTFLOL gets to be used, why not this? (BTW, "ROTFLOL" means "rolling on the floor laughing out loud")

******Acrimonial: "of or relating to the usage of acronyms." You're welcome.

*******Normalizable: "establishing normacly within something." Unlike "new normal," which means "nothing. At all."